Thursday, March 29, 2007

Is MilkToast a form of Chicken Feed?

This post contains some depressing and ruthless venting. If you are expecting a funny or happy-go-lucky post then stop reading now. I mean it. And if you do continue don't you even dare to try to post some uplifting or semi-comforting comment at the end. This is not one of those posts. It is strictly a raunchy vent. This is me downloading on all the things that I just can't stand right now in my life (see not a pretty post).

First off, I can't stand it when anyone uses computer terms to describe anything but computers.

Second, are you considered truly crazy when you are lucid enough to realize you are being crazy? I don't know. But I do know when I am being crazy and lately I have been having quite a bit of those scary moments. Pregnancy brings it out of me when combined with the potent power of an almost three year old's temper! In the last two days I have had two, count them, two break downs [I define break downs as when I sob out loud- not just tears, but the loud, trumpet of the swan type cries, for a long period of time (I define long period of time as over two minutes)]. Yesterdays I was pushed over the edge by a pair of poopy lady bug panties. Enough!! For three weeks, I have been painstakingly (not an exaggeration) putting Claire in panties, taking her to the potty ever hour, begging, pleading, bargaining to make her go pee. We had good days, with no s, and then we had bad, bad, terrible, horrible, no good, very bad days where we had after (the ones that got me most were the ones when she was standing right next to the toilet and choose instead to go in her panties). I thought that if I just worked hard enough, she would pick it up. Nope. She just doesn't care. She knows how to go, she can control those muscles, but she just doesn't care. I have been ushering her to the potty and cleaning up s with an eerie calmness for three weeks. But after two peepees and a poop yesterday, I suddenly snapped. I finally just put her back in a diaper. But I felt like I was failing; I was so upset that I had invested all that time for nothing. I cried and sobbed, all crazy like. Even as I was sobbing, I knew I was way overreacting, but I just couldn't be consoled. I even had to take a shower, just to be by myself so I could sob. Cody came home while I was in the shower and Claire told him I had tears, so he came in asking what was wrong and I was still, still sobbing out loud (going on 10 minutes). I told him I just needed some time alone. It honestly took me sometime to digest that its okay if she isn't potty trained. Then when I got out of the shower, I was more embarrassed to have to explain to Cody the reason for my melt down.

Then today I broke down when I was all ready and prepared to go to the store, when I notice that Cody had completely taken apart Claire's car seat to clean it. I mean completely disassembled- straps, metal hooks, plastic caps- all floating around and I hadn't a clue how any of it went back together. At that moment I was so frustrated and upset that once again I started to cry and sob. Well, Claire starts crying, too, because every time I cry she pretends that she has an ouchie on her finger. I just think it freaks her out that I cry. So I have a short cry, control my sobbing, and then calm down enough to comfort Claire, kiss her finger better, and take a chill pill. Seriously, I am down right ashamed at what a weak bag of chicken feed I have been.

Speaking of weak chicken feed, I that I am such a milktoast with any type of conflict as a primary president. Milktoast! I try to avoid it at any cost.

I have lost track at what number I am on, so I will just begin with fifthly, I that I don't always speak up when I feel someone is being rude and petty. So should I have said something? Shouldn't it be the role of a good friend to tell another friend when something they say could be considered offensive to other people. But how do you do this? Whenever I have had someone do this to me (mostly family members, because they don't mind being honest) I feel incredibly stupid and I immediately get defensive. Remember my comment about being a milktoast above. Same thing applies to friendships. I like to avoid conflict at all costs!!

Okay, I am done. I offer no apologies.

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

It's a . . .

Today was our ultrasound where we were very pleased and relieved (I completely stress out about it) to find that everything looks good. It seemed like it took forever since the baby wasn't always cooperating. And Claire was also not cooperating, so that just made it seem like an eternity to find out what we were having. At first the baby just wasn't giving it up, but then the baby lost all modesty and moved to show us that she is indeed, a gir l!!! (My computer edits out the word gir l, so the first time I published this blog it completely took it out so that no one would have any idea what I was having). A gi rl is what both Cody and I wanted most, so we are just plain tickled. I love the idea of Claire having a little sister, and our baby having an older sister! Apparently this is the summer for g irls, because all the other gir ls in my ward who are having babies this spring and summer (7 all together) are having gi rls. No one with a boy yet! So now I am also just tickled to imagine in two years a nursery full of little g irls.

Sorry about the drought in blogging, but the weather is bright and sunny, we are having a healthy baby g irl , and I am sure the creative juices will start flowing again!!

Friday, March 09, 2007

The Sleep of the Damned

That would adequately describe our experience last night. Around 9:00 we noticed that our house seemed colder than normal, and when we checked the radiators around the house we were delighted to discover that none of them were hot, even though the temperature in the house was dropping. So Cody and I trudged downstairs to our almost frozen basement to check out our furnace. The pilot light had burnt out. Before I moved into this house I had no idea about gas and pilot lights or that fact that you would call a plumber to come fix your furnace- who would have thunk it. So Cody called one of his friends, who had lit pilot lights many a times, and got detailed instructions on how to do it. I, of course, stood as far away as possible because I was afraid it was going to blow up and someone needed to be conscious to get Claire out of the burning house (I had a plan all worked out in my head). After three unsuccessful tries of keeping the pilot light lit, we knew there was something wrong and we decided to try to get a plumber over as soon as possible, since the temperature was suppose to be in the teens. We tried for two hours to get a hold of anyone who would come in the middle of night, but no one was available (though a few considerate plumbers returned our calls at 3:00 in the morning). So we bundled up our bed with all the blankets we had (including Claire's bedspreads), woke up Claire to put her in our bed, and tried to go to sleep. The biggest kicker of the whole thing was Claire, literally. Apparently when we woke her up, we didn't realize we were waking her up for play time- that's what she thought. For the next two and a half hours she kicked, pulled my hair (its something she has done since birth), sat up, laid down, put her legs on me, etc. No sleep for any of us until about 2:30 (and then you will remember that the kind plumbers woke us up at 3:00 and then again at 5:00). When we woke up this morning, it was cooooooooolllllllddd. Cody got up to let the plumbers in, while Claire and I stayed cuddled in the blankets. An hour later, our furnace was fixed, the plumbers gone, and we wereleft $245 poorer. I would call that the sleep of the damned.

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Uptown Girls

I finally got the pictures that we took in NYC- more than a month after the trip! But I thought I would post them for your enjoyment and for proof that indeed I did go to New York City!

This picture is of my and two of the gals- Kim and Jana. This is taken on Timesquare, right outside our hotel. It was a great place to stay- right in the thick of things.

Central Park was beautiful, even in the winter- just because it was such a stark contrast between the city and the huge green park. In the distance you see the upper west side. The fourth is Melanie.

I had to include this picture because it is so typical of Melanie's pictures- she shuts her eyes in about 75% of the pictures we took. It became a running joke on the trip. We are in an Italian Restaurant in Little Italy on are last day. Italian food is probably my favorite food, but since I was in my first trimester, it sounded disgusting. But you can't go to little Italy without eating there.

So this was our trip (well, some of it), My favorite part of the trip was visiting the Statue of Liberty. And here we are, posing like geeky tourists!