Like a Stick on a Steep Street

I feel a bit negligent being that I only posted once in the last week. It's not because I don't have anything to write- it's more that I have been running around like a chicken with its head cut off. It's just been one those weeks, where you really learn what you are made of. . . and party planning is apparently not part of my DNA.

But before I delve into the harried list of events that made up the last several days, I thought I would share a little moment in my life that really explains a lot about why I do what I do. And before I share my little moment, I have to give some very important background information.

The year was 1999 and I was in San Jose, CA on a high school choir trip. Our first stop was to Great America theme park where they have this ride called the Drop Zone. This particular ride straps you into a seat with your feet dangling free, and it lifts you slowly up a couple hundred feet, pauses for a moment, and then drops you straight down into a gut wrenching free fall for a couple of seconds. It is insanely fun and insanely scary. One of my friends, who will remain nameless (her name rhymes with gidget), needed some persuasion to take the jump. We coaxed and pleaded her and what finally worked was comparing this 'drop zone' to life. If you can face your fear and do this, you can do anything! (I apologize that this is starting to sound like a Saved By the Bell episode) To make a long story short. . . we all did it and felt the exhilaration of facing our fear and enjoying the ride. So from then on we called it a drop zone moment whenever we faced our fears and went outside our comfort zone to do something that we knew would be good for us.

Okay, now for the small and simple moment. In Pittsburgh, there are steep hills and thus steep roads everywhere. I drive a beautiful little sandstone Mazda Protege which happens to be a standard and I happen to love driving a stick. I really do- it makes driving exciting. So I often find myself driving up steep hills in my little golden nugget, mastering the stick with the finesse only found in a maestro. Occasionally, I find myself stopped on one of these steep hills, and the real test of my stick and clutch ability comes when I have to start moving again whilst on the steep hill. And sometimes the stakes are even higher when I have another car right behind me leaving little leeway room. Whenever this happens, I have a split-second ritual that always plays out in my mind. I have a bit of fear that I won't get it into gear and I will start rolling back and crash into the car behind me. So I gather up all my bravado, push all the fear behind me and I gun it, mentally closing my eyes, so as not to have to see if I didn't make it. But I have always made it. . . so far. Well this exact scenario played itself out on Friday, on my way to the Halloween party. I was dressed to the hilt in my medieval Queen dress, with six dozen cupcakes in tow, and I found myself stopped at the curve of a steep, wet section of the street. I had a line of cars ahead of me and a line of cars in back of me and little room for error. I immediately proceed with my little ritual, gusto-ing up, throwing caution to the wind and I hit on the gas and . . .I kill the car and immediately start rolling back towards the car behind me. Oops! I slam on the brake in time, but now my car is stalled and I am even closer to the car behind me. Embarrassing! I turn my car back on, cars are honking behind me, my cheeks are getting warm and rosy, and I brace myself. So I do it again, this time engaging the clutch and successfully continuing on my way, with all 72 cupcakes unharmed. But as I continued to drive towards the party, I started thinking about this experience and how it is kind of a drop zone for me. I know I need to do it, I know it will be good thing to do it, I know I am scared of it, but I can push back that fear and just do it! That's the way I would ideally like to handle all things in my life. I like to be brave, to be daring, to go out of my comfort zone to do something I will be proud of. I know you are thinking that I am making way to big of a deal about driving a stick up a hill, but it gives me a little bit of the same feeling that I get when I do accomplish a big drop zone-- just gather up my nerve, throw it over my shoulder like a continental soldier, and do it.

Unfortunately, I don't face all unfamiliar events with this same drop zone attitude. Most of the time I handle it in a "I am way too stressed out" attitude. And I think that this adequately sets up my narrative of our Ward Halloween Party. Basically, it was a lot of preparation and stressing for me. We spent four hours Thursday night decorating the gym and building the cardboard box maze-- it looked really spectacular, if I do say so myself. And then on the day of the party, I was hurrying to finish all the last details, decorating 72 cupcakes, and trying to finish Claire's costume (which sadly didn't get finished in time). Once the party got started, the kids destroyed the maze in a matter of minutes, people weren't manning the booths, chaos ensued, and I handled all this by being upset at the kids and getting stressed out by the chaos. I was putting out one fire after the other and to top it off- somebody stole 6 unopened bags of candy that I had brought! That really chapped my hide. But now that it's over and I have had time to calm down I realize that the kids still loved the maze, even with it destroyed; chaos was just the kids having fun, and everybody said they loved the party and complimented me on how organized it was (hah!). I learned that I am not good at staying calm in such environments. I really wish I could have faced this with the same attitude with which I engage my clutch. Then maybe I could have felt exhilaration and enjoyed the ride, rather than being the uptight, stressed out Queen running the cake walk. Oh well, you live and learn.

So now that the party is over, I am still recovering, and I still have two days worth of dishes piled in the sink- but at least I have a little better understanding of myself and the goal to face more things like a stick on a steep street (you just wait, that expression is going to catch on).